Life Works Pages
How to Be with Your Man Series, Part 1
The “15 Minute Rule”
How to Talk with Your Man
“We need to talk” may be the four words men dread the most. When it’s time to converse, most guys head to their favorite cave to hide – which, of course, is the surest way to drive a women wild with rage.
When it comes to relationships women can out-converse, out-argue and out-analyze most any man. So when we say, “Let’s talk,” men hear, “You’re in trouble.” No wonder they clam up. If you want to have a productive talk with your lover, you need a strategy. You need to learn the “fifteen-minute rule”, “manspeak”, and the “danger words” that should never, ever be spoken to your sweetheart.
Men like a conversation to be brief. That’s where the “fifteen-minute rule” comes into play. If he knows you won’t be talking for hours, he will be more likely to really listen. If what you have to say takes longer than fifteen minutes tell him you have more to say and schedule another fifteen-minute session for another day. Then get up and leave. He will be relieved that you stuck to your word, and more willing to sit down and have a fifteen-minute talk the next time.
The Fifteen-Minute Rule
- To have a productive conversation with your man about something important:
- Lovingly ask him when would be a good time for a fifteen-minute conversation.
- Respect his time schedule. If he doesn’t want to talk right now and you force it, you will be a lot less likely to end up with the result you want from the conversation. Take care of yourself and make sure you schedule a time that works for you, too.
- Decide what is most important to say right now, and save the rest for another time. Check to make sure that to the best of your ability that you have your heart open, you are owning your part, you are willing to listen to his side, and not blame anyone.. Sit down with him in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Let him know that the conversation will be only fifteen minutes. This will allow him to relax because he’ll know he won’t be on the spot for hours. Have your heart open to him. Talk calmly and lovingly, and listen fully. After fifteen minutes, be the one to end the conversation. If the conversation is not finished, make an appointment for another fifteen-minute slot later or on another day.
Excerpted from the book, How to Be Cherished
By Marilyn Graman and Maureen Walsh