Having What You
Want With a Man ~ Success Stories
In one woman’s words
Dear Marilyn, Maureen and the Guidesses,
About 2 years ago, when I was looking through the review copies of books sent to the radio station where I was working as an on-air morning personality, I came across a copy of your book, “There is no Prince, etc” I skimmed through the first chapter, I kept shouting inwardly “oh, my God, she’s talking to me!” I went to your website and found that a weekend seminar was coming up, a chance to “experience” the book.
I was a little doubtful. So much money. What if it doesn’t teach me anything I can’t get from the book? But ~ I know that experience always beats reading. For the price of a few sessions of therapy, I thought, this could be even more helpful. So ~ I signed up, and have never regretted it.
The weekend was fun, first of all. I met a lot of great women, and was glad to see I wasn't the only one struggling with these issues. You had just the right balance of self-disclosure, humor, individual learning, and sharing. The in-class and overnight assignments shed a lot of light on attitudes I was harboring that I hadn’t even been aware of. “Why do I need a man anyway?”, “What could a woman see in that man?” I learned to judge less ~ both myself, and others. I forgave men from my past. I forgave myself.
And, mostly, I was able to realistically define what I really wanted in a relationship. I worked and reworked my "must-have/would-be-nice" list, and learned more each time. I began to make different choices. I was not settling for less than my vision of a man who would laugh with me, respect me and be worthy of my respect, be my best friend, think I'm wonderful, and rub my feet at night! And ~ I knew he would be a HUMAN BEING, not a prince, and that I was no princess either.
I kept the list handy, and every time I was in a relationship - one date, a few weeks, a few months ~ however long it takes to get a real sense of the man ~ I knew why I lost interest. I no longer let things drag on, wondering why it wasn’t working, or why I couldn’t change them. I no longer though “what is wrong with me?” I never thought, “there are no good men left”. I began to admire good relationships I saw, not be jealous of them.
I have always been good at being “without a man”. My problem had been more about letting one in! Still, it’s all about balance ~ and when not in a relationship, I focused on increasing my circle of friends by doing the things I love ~ in this case, performing on stage. It was while doing the show “Cabaret” in a local theatre, that I re-met Gary, a man who I had known 4 years ago as a work acquaintance. We had always had friendly talks when our free-lance work crossed paths, but had lost touch. He had come to the show to see another friend who was in it ~ and there I was, playing Sally Bowles. He asked me to dinner and we have been together ever since.
Gary and I are living together, and I never imagined I would be happy to come home to the same man every night. I had been in complete charge of my home, my kids, my choices, my life . . . and told myself I preferred it this way. I didn’t know if I could ever share my bed with the same man every night.
About 6 months after Gary and I began to date, I took out that list I’d made on the “Prince” weekend. Not only did Gary have all 6 of the “musts” ~ he also had an incredible amount of the “wouldn’t it be nice if . . .” qualities. I had conjured up the perfect partner! Definition, visualization, belief . . . thank you!
In your workshop, I got back in touch with the part of myself that wanted to have a man in my life. I didn’t become desperate for it – I just accepted it. With the help of your exercises, I defined what that would mean for me. And now, Gary and I have been together for 18 months ~ and are planning a future. And ~ when things are less than perfect, I remind myself that he is not Prince Charming . . . and ask myself what message from the movies I am expecting to be the truth!!!
So ~ thanks again. Thought you’d like to hear a success story and I hope this helps other women
To join us for the next "Having What You Want With a Man" weekend course, email below or call 212-741-8787.
Case Studies by the Guidesses
Adrienne was head nurse in a large New York hospital, caring for sick infants and dreaming of having her own child. She dated occasionally and was attracted to tall, dark and handsome types who often drank too much and were fun to party with. She was invited to her former roommate’s wedding and at the shower the bride told her how she had done this great workshop, broke off with a dead-end relationship and soon met her husband-to-be.
As a woman of action, Adrienne called Life Works and enrolled in the next “Having What You Want With a Man” course 3 weeks later in early February. During the next three months she dated more than ever before, sometimes a date every night of the week. In late spring she met the man she married on the 4th of July of that same year. He wasn’t the kind of man she was usually attracted to. However, from the Workshop she remembered being told: “Often the best way to find a husband who is good for you is to leave your pictures of him at home and find a good man who will love you and treat you well.” They now have three children and Adrienne has the family that she longed for.
When Miriam first took the “Having What You Want With a Man” course, just seeing the color of her ex-boyfriend’s car was enough to ruin her day. Her disappointment in her love life hung over her like a shroud and she was convinced there was nothing she could do to change it. She was doomed to hopeless, heart-breaking relationships with bad men.
After the Workshop she slowly started dating different kinds of men. She discovered that she could find ones who were genuinely interested in her and wanted to be a companion and partner. More importantly, she saw what she needed to do to find these men and how to attract and bring out the qualities she wanted in all the men around her.
She recently married a man she met at Life Works. He adores her and isn’t afraid to tell her so as often as she needs to hear it. She says “I am grateful to have such a wonderful husband and glad I was wrong about myself. The compassion and forgiveness I feel for myself now is spilling over into other areas of my life. If I could get married and be cherished, who knows what else I can do? Thank you, Life Works.”
Cathy was a successful advertising executive who was active in her Manhattan church and had a full social life. However, she didn’t date much and hadn’t had a relationship in a long time. One day someone at church told her about Life Works and she called and enrolled in the next “Having What You Want With a Man” course.
Always a quick learner she took words about self-love to heart. “If you are wanting something and are not giving it to yourself then you have hidden conversations to uncover and you are holding off love from yourself.” Cathy discovered that under the cheery, helpful “always the bridesmaid never the bride” persona lived a deep belief that “happiness with a man happens for others . . . and it will never happen for me.” Once she discovered the belief that was holding her back she was able to work with it and was soon dating and met her husband within months. During their courtship she had to continually work to open her heart to all the love and attention he showered on her. They now have a 2 daughters and a son to complete their happiness.
Jennifer’s parents had a contentious marriage. They were always fighting and threatening to leave each other. She was beautiful and always got a lot of attention from men but relationships never worked out for her past the third date. It was a mystery to everyone who loved her ~ why such an attractive, nice woman couldn’t find a good relationship.
She came to the Workshop to clear what was in her way. In the beginning of the Workshop Marilyn states that “we powerfully create our lives in reaction to what we see in childhood.” In a flash she saw that as a little girl she vowed never to have a relationship like her parents. So unconsciously she only attracted men who would help her keep her vow ~ because once married she would behave like her parents. The Workshop showed her how to make peace with that fear, stay awake and ask for help if she needed it. She is now happily married and enjoying her new baby.
Anne wanted a child, her husband didn’t and she was running out of time. When he left her she thought her chance for a child and her life was ending. She came to the Workshop, and saw that there was nothing wrong with her. She gained the courage to go on and find what she wanted.
Soon after she ran into an old boyfriend and there was a spark that she had never allowed herself to see before. He had everything that was on her lists and he wanted a child. They married and although it’s a cliche, they did live happily ever after with their baby.
Lynn was the marriageable kind. In fact she’d been married 4 times but never for long. She came to the Workshop a few years after she turned 50 and wanted to untangle the issues that kept her from staying married.
At the beginning of the Workshop women are asked, “What do you want a man for?” Lynn pondered that question deeply and wrote pages in her workbook. Then at the end of the course when the course turns to men, Lynn discovered that she had lots of wrong information about them, how they behave and what she could expect from them. Whew! Men were really different than she had been taught! Why hadn’t she seen this before? Some of it was so obvious if you looked at men with an open heart. Soon after, she met a lovely man to whom she has been married longer than the four previous marriages combined.